Learning the Alphabet
by Wink987
Summary: DepartedSoul and myself wrote this while incredibly bored so bear with the nonsense. And don't get offended because we have nothing against the Catholic Church! XD Rated T for silly dope jokes. Please read and review! Collection of alphabet oneshots!


**This is written my myself truely and my good friend, Tascha or more commonly known as DepartedSoul. We were bored, found "dope" in the dictionary, and wrote a fanfic. WE'RE FINALLY OFF SCHOOL!!! YAY PEOPLE!**

**Dope**

Naru was drinking tea, and was looking out the window. Mysteriously, he had a strange tune in his head. It went along the lines of

"I feeeeeeel like dope today, dope dope dope dope today.

I feel like my sunshine dope today,

I want to see rainbows and droplets of acid rain!"

It was on the radio this morning and Lin had come into the office singing it quietly. Staring down at the papers on his desk, Naru leaned back in his chair and started to belt out the now familiar tune.

"DOPE D-O-P-E- for my monk monk, my dopey monk,

Who cares if dope is dopey

For I am woopy

Cos I ate too many

BAAAKKKKEEED beans!!!!"

Mai had heard the commotion outside, and fearing for her life, she tip-toed into Naru's office with a cup of hot tea.

"I hope you get well soon!" she muttered meekly, hardly daring to look up at the fearful sight before her. She needn't worry, though as the only reply she received was:

"BEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAANS! DOPE AND BEANS!

Dope is green and beans are red,

But green and red must not be seen,

OH, TEAAAAAAA!

…What are you staring at?

DOOOOOOOPE!"

Mai looked at her singing boss in disbelief and quickly left the office as her foot was starting to tap in rhythm with the song. Outside Mai tried to continue filing paperwork but the alluring bag of dope in her desk draw was tempting her. She wanted to share her bag with Naru. Her mind made up, Mai began to sing while entering Naru's lair once again,

"Look who has a bag of dope,

I have a bag of dope

And you don't ** low voice **have a bag of dope

Do you want some?

Well you're not getting any

Cos It's MMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY Dope"

Naru got up and glared at her dangerously. _Oh, how dare she!_ He walked right up to her and gently rested his hand upon her cheek. He bent forward and gave her a kiss, right on the lips. His other hand, however, had squirmed the bag of dope free from Mai (unknown to her, she was getting too into it XD) and let go of Mai, sneering and giggling back to his desk.

"Hmmmm… you taste nice.

Look who has a bag of dope,

I have a bag of dope

And you don't ** low voice **have a bag of dope

Do you want some?

Well you're not getting any

Cos It's MMMMMMMMMMYYYYYY Dope.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Mai blinked at the sudden loss of contact and stood looking hurt at Naru as he continued to sing the verse she had originally sang. Once he had finished, Mai looked at his self-satisfied smirk and grudgingly walked slowly out of the room like a puppy who was just told off. To show her feelings, Mai began to sing

softly, then growing louder,

"My dope has been taken

By tea-robot, NARRRUUUU,

He used me to get what he wanted,

I feel like I want to SSSSSLLLAAAAPPP him"

Naru felt deeply hurt by what she was saying. _Is this how she sees me? Well, lets see about that, then, won't we?_

"Mai…" he got up again, a serious look on his face (for once!!) and marched in front of Mai, who was standing at the open door. He spread his arms out and embraced her.

"I'm sorry, Mai" he whispered, and bent to kiss her once more, savouring the strawberry taste of her lip gloss. He hadn't been lying; she _really did _taste good.

"Strawberry flavours, mixed with some DOPE!

Boy, you taste GOOD!

Just as you SHOULD!

Maybe, for us, there will be some HOPE!"

Mai felt her gaze soften at the boy, no man, practically on top of her and decided to buy new flavours of lip gloss. Reaching her hands around his neck (which she had to stand on her tip toes to do), Mai sang back lovingly

"Tea flavours, mixed with some beans!

Girl, you taste good,

Just as you should!

Cos I'm the prettiest girl you have ever seen!"

Naru sniggered at the verse she had just sung. _Silly, but cute._ He gazed dreamily into her swirly chocolate brown eyes, failing to notice the door creek open. A loud clatter to the left of him finally awoke him from his trance. He hesitantly moved his eyes from Mai's and looked to the front door of the SPR office. If he had ever been shocked before in his life, it was nothing compared to this instance.

The usually pristine doll-like medium was lying sprawled on the ground with the skirt of her kimono above her head. She began

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO DO MYYYYYYYYYY NARU?

"Mai you are the opposite of the holy Pope,

You dare to eat/drink/sniff dope with my beloved soap

Naru you are my bethrothed soap, I need you so I

Can not smell like Lin typing on a sweaty day. "

Mai instantly felt her anger rise up as _Lin doesn't smell __**that**__ bad _and she was insulting her tall friend while he was not even there. Plus, she felt as though Masako had insulted her _isn't the pope some really good band, ne? _Mai pulled away from the black-clad teen holding her in his arms and pushed her top's long sleeves up to elbows, preparing herself for a fight. 'T_o the point I break a nail' _thought Mai viciously.

"Don't insult someone unless it is to their face,

And in this case,

You think "Naru-soap" would stop you smelling bad,

You need to take it up with Pope taking dope".

NARU-SOAP?????? …And I thought "Naru" was bad enough… and anyway… since when does the POPE TAKE DOPE?? I hope she knows what she's talking about.

Naru saw what Mai was doing, and the expression on her face. Oh goodness, no. He held his arm around her waist to prevent her from doing anything stupid (i.e. punch Masako to pulp).

"Why oh, whyyyyyyyy?

Must I be soap?

Is there no reason?

In this hour of treason?

How dare you insult

Lin, what did you want

As a result?

And you'll always stink.

OH DOOOOOOOPE!"

Mai shrugged out of Naru's hold and punched Masako straight to the nose (blood now gushing out of it). Panting slightly, Mai straightened her clothes once again and gave Naru an innocent look, who was looking at Masako's blood with disgusted fascination before hugging him around the waist,

"Shame, Masako fell and hit her nose, ne Naru? She must have had too much dope…"

Naru caressed Mai's tresses in an admiring, loving manner before saying,

"Mai, tidy up!"

THE END


End file.
